HATCHET - OLD SCHOOL AMERICAN HORROR

HATCHET - Released 2006
Written & Directed by Adam Green
Starring Joel David More, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond, Mercedes McNab, Parry Shen, Joleigh Fioreavanti, Joel Murray, Richard Riehle, Patrika Darbo, Joshua Leonard, Tony Todd, Robert Englund and Kane Hodder.
84 Minutes
www.hatchetmovie.com

Writer/Director Adam Green has magnificently created an enjoyable film that is a delicious throwback to the 80s slashers flick. A group of tourists and their guide embark on a midnight ghost tour through the swamps of New Orleans. They soon learn the terrifying tale of local legend Victor Crowley - horribly disfigured and accidentally killed with a hatchet by the hands of his own father. When they become stranded in the middle of the swamp after their boat sinks, they soon discover that the ghost story is more than just local legend.

As any true fan knows, there are three ingredients essential to a truly great 80s slasher flick: over-the-top kills, nudity and overly stereotyped, one-dimensional characters. Green delivers all three in over-the-top fashion. There is no lack of nudity in this film. The Mardi Gras scene could very well be a Girls Gone Wild commercial. Green doesn't stop there. He has written into the script a horny grease ball director-wanna-be escorted by a slutty chick and a ditsy valley blonde, both desiring to become famous actresses, who flash for the camera to add some gratuitous nudity throughout the film.

The characters were very one-sided. In addition to the horny grease ball, the slutty chick and the ditsy valley blonde, Green seems to have included every stereotype in his film. There's the nerdy and insecure guy, the party animal funny guy, the confident female with the "I'll kick your ass" attitude, a retired couple on vacation and a nutty tour guide. Throughout the movie, Green has done his best to give us some rememberable dialogue and lines.

Jenna: By the way? Your "woo" is so not in the moment.
Misty: Yeah? Well, your nipples are dumb.

Ben: We wanted to do a haunted swap tour.
Rev. Zombie: I don't do night tours anymore, I'm not allowed to.
Ben: It's just that our friends told us that you did one here last year.
Rev. Zombie: I can't do night tours anymore. Insurance got too high after what happened.
Marcus: Too bad. Let's roll.
Ben: Wait, wait, what happened?
Rev. Zombie: Oh, you don't want to know.
Ben: [eagerly] I so do.

Rev. Zombie: I had a tour group, out in the swamp, last Halloween. It was the mist of night, and there was this kid, who looked kind of like you, he got spooked by something in the marsh. He saw two eyes staring at him from the woods, it chilled him to his very marrow. He wanted to get off the boat in a hurry, and he had his foot dangling over the edge. He...

Ben: He fell in?
Marcus: A gator got him?
Ben: What happened?
Rev. Zombie: He slipped, hit his head, right on the roof... and sued me for negligence! That cock sucker!
Ben: [disappointed] That's it?

Tony Todd makes a brief cameo appearance as Reverend Zombie and as usual gave an awesome performance. Robert Englund also makes a brief appearance in the opening scene playing Sampson. What can I say about Englund...just his name alone will bring moviegoers out to see a movie. Kane Hodder, who we all know and MISS as Jason, portrays two characters in Green's film: Victor Crowley and Victor's father in flashback scenes. It is good to see Hodder branching out and doing more roles without makeup (even though most of the movie he is again in makeup). Crowley's kills can easily compete with the likes of Jason and Freddy. In fact, Hodder told one interviewer that his favorite kill used to be the "sleeping bag against a tree" scene from Jason X, but now his favorite is when he rips a woman's face in half. (You gotta look for this scene!)

Members of the film crew make brief appearances in the movie. Listen to the audio commentary to learn who they are. Green makes an appearance in the Mardi Gras scene playing one of Ben's buddies. Pay attention and you will notice the names of the producers, Sarah Elbert and Cory Neal, on tombstones during the cemetery scene.

To recap...HATCHET provides over-the-top kills, plenty of nudity to satisfy the male moviegoer, and our favorite stereotypical characters. If you love 80s slasher flicks you're gonna love this film. If I had a rating system...I'd give it ten body bags out of ten!

BEN: Marybeth? That's a great name, because it's, it's actually two names. Most people just have one and that's kinda boring. Like Ben. But Marybeth, that's Mary and it's Beth. That's a nice coat.